God's Voicemail

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Schizophrenia jokes

I have decided to start a collection of jokes about schizophrenia. Because let's face it, there are just so many. Well, the total stands at 2.5 at the moment, so contributions are accepted.

1) I've half a mind to go to that meeting on schizophrenia tonight.

2) Did you hear about the panto that was held in aid of the Schizophrenia Association? It descended into chaos when someone shouted "He's behind you!"

2.5) When is a man two men? When he is beside himself.

25 Utterings:

At 23/12/05 22:01, Blogger Cassie uttered...

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Lame?

Perhaps.

Your mum?

Yes.

 
At 24/12/05 18:27, Blogger rooose uttered...

OH. Yes. I remember that one.

Well done, Ass-man.

 
At 2/1/06 13:41, Blogger Mr Beaman uttered...

Ach. wonder hu hates ling so much. (the comments weren't posted by me, don't worry.)

 
At 5/12/07 15:06, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

How about this one...Schizophenia...better than dining alone.

 
At 7/6/09 04:31, Blogger Luca uttered...

I was suffering from schizophrenia but now I got these new pills that are excellent: we are feeling much better!!!

 
At 23/11/09 19:03, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

this is literally annoying me so much.
everyone online with jokes and quotes about schizophrenia is wrong.
SCHIZOPHRENIA IS NOT A SPLIT PERSONALITY DISORDER,
it is not a diorder of the personality AT ALL.
please research the illness correctly and fully before you post inaccurate jokes and quotes.
thank you

 
At 6/3/10 15:39, Blogger rooose uttered...

Thanks for the capital letters, they really helped me understand your point, which without them would have simply been reactionary and dour

 
At 14/4/10 02:34, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

You will always have twice as many jokes as you think you will.

 
At 31/5/10 18:24, Anonymous Bill Kuns 4 uttered...

Referencing anonymous 23/11/09 19:03 comment: WTBF (non-UK WTF)? They are jokes! Jokes don't have to be accurate; they have to be funny! Note the proper use of caps for idjits that don't know what HTML tags are. Upper-casing whole sentences is the real-world equivalent of SCREAMING. Obviously, the anonymous commentator is the victim of numerous internal vociferous critics...at least, that's what (Shut UP!) the Bad One tells the Gentle one in my head. Ooops! I wasn't supposed to betray them! Now they'll get me!

 
At 10/10/10 03:23, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

It is annoying when people do this. They do it very very often. Schizophrenia is not a split personality disorder. If you want to make jokes about the s.p.d name the joke under that title. It's like naming a joke 'Tree' then having the whole joke around the theme of a lamp. Stupid? Well, I had to relate it in words those unintelligent people would understand. It would be more funnier in a joke if you got your facts right, otherwise the joke's on you. Thanks.

 
At 1/12/10 11:36, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

Well, actually it's a disorder which affects your perception of reality and can cause you to have hallucinations and dillusions, so while it's not exactly a split personality disorder, the affected person could still believe they have multiple personalities, therefore the jokes work!!

 
At 19/1/11 21:11, Blogger olliey.11 uttered...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 19/1/11 21:15, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

Have you read the latest statistics: every two in one people is schizophrenic!

 
At 24/3/11 19:45, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

haha i am a schizophrenic and the only joke i find funny is the 1st one, the rest i don't really get as it don't refer to my condition, just shows how many narrow minded people are out there and have no clue....to me that's the funniest joke of all so keep them rolling hehe!

 
At 2/4/11 00:45, Blogger cheaperthendirt uttered...

YEA RIGHT IN CAPITOAL LETTERS. WHY ARE SCHIZOPHRENICS SO HAPPY... THERE NEVER ALONE.. HEHEHEHEHEHEH

 
At 8/4/11 05:22, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

Just to let you know, schizophrenia IS a split personaltiy disorder. Maybe you need to research the illness a little further.
Dr. Hailey Hopkins M.D

 
At 12/6/11 22:20, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

Yeah first off Schizophrenia is certainly not a form of SPLIT PERSONALITY DISORDER (aren't we glad to have learned from school, that statistics show that almost 3/4 of doctors passed school with mere D's. I'm just gonna guess that you are one of those Dr.'s)

Recently being diagnosed with a mild case of Schizophrenia to lighten my mood about the whole thing I like to say...

"Well to look on the bright side I now have the best excuse in the world to be as crazy as I want be! Every one will just say... 'Oh it's ok she's just Schizophrenic' :p"

Yeah not that humorous I suppose but I find it funny :)

 
At 1/8/11 00:53, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

I might be a schizophreniac but I have fun together.

 
At 29/8/11 21:23, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

I am not as think as schizophrenic as I am.

 
At 8/5/12 15:09, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

I agree the OP is kinda silly, but the jokes aren't funny. Schizophrenia ISN'T a split personality disorder. So not only is there a stigma, it's the wrong one I'm fighting!? Ach mal

Did you hear the one about the tree?
All the monkeys made fun of the turtle because it couldn't climb as well.

 
At 7/8/12 00:16, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

The National Schizophrenia Association: "We are more members than you think!"

How can spot schizophrenic people on a graveyard? Look for tombstones 8 feet tall!

You know you a schizophrenic if you went to bed single and woke up married with 2 two children.

 
At 19/9/12 18:55, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

Schizophrenia is not split personality. Split personality is dissociative identity disorder. Please don't post such jokes if you don't have a clue what schizophrenia is. You haven't even looked in wikipedia!!!!!

 
At 7/11/12 20:58, Anonymous dave knudtson uttered...

Why are scziprenics so happy? Cause there never alone

 
At 24/1/13 15:21, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

Lol. As a sufferer I'd just like to say.omg get a grip its just a joke. Not a thinginy bob that I can't remember the word for! Attack, that's it.lol

 
At 24/1/13 15:26, Anonymous Anonymous uttered...

Hate to have to correct an m.d but I think you'll find the split in schizophrenia to be between thought and feeling and not personality. Hate 4 u to be my doc. Where u work?

 

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